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Big Brother 13 Episode 20 8/21/11 Recap

August 22nd, 2011 · No Comments

Courtesy of Media Fiends

After about an hour of slipping and sliding, Jeff managed to pull off a less than heroic victory. Congratulations Jeff, you are the new HOH. After seeing what the comp was, we would have never guessed that you would have won. In fact, the Vegas odds were 800 to one against. Not saying that BB rigged this comp, but let’s look at reality: run back and forth for an hour carrying a small cup on a slippery surface with soap suds and water raining down upon you…yep, there is no doubt that this comp was designed for Adam, Kalia, Rachel, Jordan, and Shelly. But not for Kalia’s numerous snack breaks and Shelly and Adam’s five minute smoke breaks, it would have been a very close competition. I will give props to Porsche, as she was a close second. When I say a close second, I mean that she would have caught Jeff if he would have fallen and not have gotten up for about thirty minutes. Great job Porsche.

A couple of hours later after they had washed out all of the soap suds out of their hair, Jeff got his HOH room and the house guests went wild. Okay, not really. Well, Kalia was extremely happy to see Jeff’s food basket, does that count?

Fast forward to Friday. Typically this is the Have Have-Not comp (or food comp) and nominations. From Wednesday’s show as to America’s Choice on what to give the houseguests, we were given the impression that there were would be a Have Have-Not comp. Hmmm…not so much this week. In another were-not-favoring-Jeff move, Big Brother decided not to have a Have Have-Not comp and just let Jeff pick three houseguests to be Have-Nots for the weeks. As much as I would like to be joking, I am not. Unbelievable Big Brother. But then again, thanks for listening to me…don’t hide the favoritism, just be open and obvious about it. With his newfound powers, Jeff picked Dani, Kalia and Porsche as the Have-Nots. Shock me shock me. But then again, I do find it funny that Kalia is a Have-Not. I guess it is Jeff’s way of keeping Kalia out of his food basket. And as to America’s Choice…uh huh…hard-boiled eggs and jalapeno peppers. That is weak America. Really weak. I guess I will have to find a Durian store to find out what the hell it is.

Warning…Warning…Warning…this next segment has been rated for mature audiences only by the Written Word Association. It is not safe for work or home. If you are not mature or an audience, do not read the next segment. You have been warned.

As we were waiting for nominations, we get a little insight into Porsche’s life. Kalia, Dani and Porsche were talking about Kalia’s favorite subject, sex. Either Dani or Kalia mentioned something about a circumcised penis. Kalia says that she has never seen one. (Are you kidding me? As much as she talks about sex, you are going to set there and tell me that you have never seen a circumcised penis? Please!!!) Porsche starts to giggle. She said that the first time she saw one, it scared her because it was so big. (WHAT?) She further said that after seeing it, she had to leave. (Holy sh*t, are you kidding me?) Dani said that she didn’t understand, “are you saying that you told the guy you had to leave?” Porsche giggles some more and said yes. (Can you say blue balls?) This was an actual conversation…I swear.

After that stimulating conversation, the nominations where held. There was very little doubt who Jeff was going to nominate. Sorry Kalia and Porsche, welcome to the block. Any bets that on Sunday night we get to hear Jeff say, “you made me dance, now it is your turn to dance?” Sometime thereafter, the players were picked for the POV. In the continuing theme of we-are-not-favoring-Jeff, my guess is that Jeff got to pick the POV players as well. For a second week in a row, Rachel is not playing. In fact, she is the only one not playing and thus by default, she is hosting. Oh hell, this is going to be one difficult comp to watch. Thanks Jeff.

So, if you doing nothing but eat and talk every minute of the day, what do you do when you are put on slop and you hate it? Well, if your Kalia, you just talk more, right? Despite not knowing if this is even possible, actually no. If you are Kalia, you sing. Normally, this would not be a problem. But, if you are in the BB House, this is a major freaking problem. I know for a fact that BB has threatened her several times (they openly yelled at her one time) but she does not seem to care one little bit. Here is the problem: every time someone starts to sing, the CBS button guy hits the button to block the feeds. (Get it? The button guy is called the button guy because he hits the button. Get it?) Besides pissing off the button guy and keeping him from taking a nap, she is freaking pissing me off to no end. It seems that without her normal intake of three truckloads of food a day, she is singing more and more to make up for not being able to eat. She can’t go two minutes without singing. There is Kalia getting ready to open her mouth…feeds blocked. Kalia wakes up…feeds blocked. Someone mentions Kalia’s name…feeds blocked. The button guy wakes up from falling asleep on the job and automatically hit the button because he knows that Kalia is bound to be singing. Feeds blocked. Feeds blocked. Feeds Blocked. I beg you, someone…anyone…please take her damn mic away. If there are any BB Gods, I beg and plead to them that Kalia is voted the hell out so that we can actually watch the feeds without interruption. (BTW BB Gods, the CBS Button guy said that he would appreciate it as well. Thank you.)

One other pet peeve before we get to the POV. Hey BB Mic guy – when someone grabs a bag of chips, turn the mic volume down; we don’t need to hear the crumbling of the bag at full volume or them eating chips at full volume. Also, and this is my biggest pet peeve, when someone goes to the bathroom, turn the damn mic off. I do not need to hear someone pee. Are you freaking kidding me? You are one sick mic guy for not turning that crap off. Don’t get me wrong, you are probably the highlight of every party you attend and you and I could definitely go out partying together, but you are one sick bitch for not turning the mics off when they pee. Please.

Onto the POV Comp. From the discussions of the HGs, it appears that the comp was some type of 3-D puzzle that was about four to five feet tall that they had to put together. The first one done wins the POV. Not wanting to ruing anything, but I don’t think Jordan even got one piece up. Geezzz Jordan, we all know that you are a couple of doughnuts short of a dozen, but not even one piece? My one legged brain dead dog could have done better than that. It also appears that the Zingbot made an appearance. Can’t wait to hear his skit (yeah right). Since this is Jeff’s week, why should anyone else but Jeff win the POV? That’s right boys and girls, Jeff won the POV (Shut up!!! It was not rigged. I mean it, shut up!!!!) Now comes the fun part: will he use it? Who knows. What I do know is that if he does use it, Dani is going up. Either way, walking into the jury house this Thursday will be Porsche, Kalia, or Dani. The button guy and I are praying that it is Kalia.

Tags: Big Brother Episode Recaps